An Executive Decision

I’ve made an executive decision. During this time I will not be dieting per se. I will be conscious of my decisions, but I will not deprive myself. I need comfort where I can get it. I will eat the chocolate I need and the cheese I crave. Neither will just become a food group though.

I have been mostly gluten-free for the past month or so. I have a post in the works right now with that story. Let’s just say brownies were painful. I’ll explain later. I will continue to do mostly GF for now. It’s changed my life.

The bottom line is that as long as I am conscious of my choices, and don’t overindulge, I’ll be fine. I’m happy with myself, but I feel girl guilt about food.

I don’t need that right now. What I need is potato chips. Lightly salted, lower fat, crispy kettle chips…covered in chocolate. No? Ok, just the chips then.

I’ll eat the chocolate later.

Good Days / Bad Days

Today was a bad day for my dad.  He was very confused.

He called me early this morning to ask me where he spent the night.  He was at the hospital.

He lost an electric scooter, but he couldn’t call it that.  There was no scooter.

I asked him for his Medicare number, he didn’t know it.  Then he called me back to tell me that someone needed his Medicare number, and could I call them back.  It was me.

He had a rough day.

I’m just sitting here now with a glass of whiskey over ice, watching Life of Pi and not thinking about anything more than enjoying the movie.

Until tomorrow.  Tomorrow, I will continue to look for a place for him.

I’ll also probably have another whiskey.

Whirlwind

I’ve been out for the past week.  I had many good intentions to write here, but life got in the way.  In case you are wondering though, here’s what I’ve been up to:

  • Went to TX to take care of my dad.
  • Cleaned his apartment and packed up his personal belongings.
  • Worked remotely for the whole week.
  • Ate good Mexican food and BBQ (only in TX or KS)
  • Bought the coolest lipstick
  • Picked up a new purse
  • Visited Ann Taylor
  • Stress shopped…see above
  • Flew back home to Boston
  • Sat through the accumulation of 18 inches of snow
  • Looked at Assisted Living facilities
  • Saw Escape from Planet Earth (don’t go, unless you’re six)
  • Saw Argo (go, unless you’re six)
  • Saw 21 Jump Street (laughed more than I thought I would)
  • Started planning for the next trip to Texas to bring dad to MA.

I have never required more wine than I do right now.

A Random Thought

I might be overly medicated right now, but I had a random thought…

I married the man I never forgot. Six years and many miles of distance I came home to him.

Now if only we could only remember who we used to be, and what we meant to each other.

Even now, when I look at him I can see the first memories I have of us. But regardless of those memories we struggle to rebuild the us we were.

I can close my eyes and see what I wish for. Am I the only one daydreaming?

I wonder if we will ever find the truth we have neglected.

Things That Bug Me

  1. Automatic Flushing Toilets – yes, they are more hygienic. I get upset though when I’m barely finishing my business and the toilet flushes. Can I just say that the timing on those things had to have been devised by a very disgruntled individual who was ridiculed for being late all the time?
  2. Kardashians – How did these individuals get so popular? Why would they get a TV show? Want drama? You should come to my house when I try to make my son eat carrots. It’s a total meltdown involving tears and screaming. I won’t even go into what the 6 year old does.
  3. John Carter, the movie – this has to be the dumbest movie ever made.  It has a terrible lead actor and the plot makes me want to cry.  My son and hubby love it though.  I’m no kidding when I say it’s on in my house at least once a week.  That is just plain torture.
  4. Jeans below butt cheeks – Seriously.  What is up with this?  Personally, the thought of someone seeing my underpants all the time, just because I feel like it, makes me cringe.  Plus, the boxer look with the saggy pants movement makes me think that society is doomed.  Doomed, because we don’t even have time to dress ourselves.  Or care.
  5. Selfishness – I cannot understand why people tend to serve only their own needs.  Why not take into consideration the feelings of others?  It does not make us any less.  It actually makes us more human.

Texas Bound

On Sunday my family and I will be heading to Texas. My dad is not doing well.

6 am – my dad called me, in Massachusetts, to find out where he had parked his car. He also wanted to know where his scooter and wheelchair were.

7 am – dad called me to ask me where he was. He also needed to know how he got there and where his car was. Again.

8 am – I got a call from him to ask me where he lived. He didn’t know what city he lived in and what his address was. He also needed to know how he got to the rehab hospital.

8:05 am – I bought three tickets to Austin.

There is so much to take care of. I don’t even know where to start.

Did I mention that I have a busted tailbone?

That donut is going to be so stylish on the plane.

Sabotage

sab·o·tage

/ˈsabəˌtäZH/
Verb
Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something).
Noun
The action of sabotaging something.

I could very easily start off this conversation with an “I don’t want to talk about it”, but that would be futile.  Clearly, I do want to talk about it.  I want to put it out there in all its yucky, difficult reality and address its heinous nature.

Let me start by giving a bit of a back story.

I’m a class A klutz.  Or so I would have you believe.  In actuality, I am a karmic lightning rod of guilt.

My father is in the hospital with a horrible infection in his sacrum.  They put in a PICC line to administer mega doses of antibiotics for the next 4-6 weeks.  He will possibly be undergoing hyperbaric chamber treatments.  It’s not pretty, it’s not good.

Since I can’t be in Texas to help him with this situation, I have major daughter guilt.  I live in Massachusetts.  I have been trying to figure out a way to get my father here.  It’s not easy.  He needs to be in an assisted living facility and, well, that’s not cheap or easy to figure out.

So this morning, on my way into work, I slipped and fell.  Onto my sacrum.  Of course.  Now, I can’t sit, walk, move or sneeze without significant pain.

Karmic guilt is no joke, people.  No joke at all.

This is not the first time it’s happened either.  I’ve broken my foot at the same time he has, I’ve fallen the same day he has fallen.  It’s a nasty pattern and I’m really done sabotaging myself.

So.  Done.

Now pass me the Vicodin and the Vodka.  This daughter has to manage the rest of the workday “comfortably”.

Note to readers – I did not in actuality have either Vicodin or Vodka at work.  Which is both responsible of me and a total bummer.