The Choice

About a month ago I started feeling really craptastic.  I had increased pain in my body, stomach issues and lethargy.  I knew that it had to be stress compounded with food choices.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t eating at McDonald’s or anything like that, I was just eating out too often, because I was traveling, and it was wreaking havoc on my body.

I started doing some research on food.  As a general rule I don’t eat processed foods.  I eat a lot of vegetables and fruit, lean protein, fish and whole grains.  My one weakness is potato chips.  I really, really like potato chips.  I’m getting off track…

There more I read about wheat and gluten, and their effects, the more I started putting things together.  I did a trial run for a couple of days.  For two days I ate no wheat and, more specifically, no gluten.  I felt more energetic, significantly less pain and zero stomach issues.  It was a welcome change.

After the two days, I ate as I normally would.  Wouldn’t you know it?  The pain, stomach deal and the sleepy’s returned.

Since then I have been extremely careful to avoid gluten.  This does not mean that I am eating a low-carb diet, I’m just not eating gluten.

I’m not a doctor.  I am not giving advice.  I’m mentioning what worked for me.  I’ll do anything that will keep me from having to take daily ibuprofen.

I have been looking at a lot of recipes for this new adventure.  I have found the most amazing Chocolate Chip Cookies and I will post that recipe soon.  Right after I stop eating them.

Plus, potato chips are gluten-free so I’m all set.

 

Texas Bound

On Sunday my family and I will be heading to Texas. My dad is not doing well.

6 am – my dad called me, in Massachusetts, to find out where he had parked his car. He also wanted to know where his scooter and wheelchair were.

7 am – dad called me to ask me where he was. He also needed to know how he got there and where his car was. Again.

8 am – I got a call from him to ask me where he lived. He didn’t know what city he lived in and what his address was. He also needed to know how he got to the rehab hospital.

8:05 am – I bought three tickets to Austin.

There is so much to take care of. I don’t even know where to start.

Did I mention that I have a busted tailbone?

That donut is going to be so stylish on the plane.

Adapting

We moved to Massachusetts back in August.  I’ve enjoyed being in this area.  This morning, driving to work, I was able to fully appreciate New England.  It was a balmy 6 degrees and the lake near my house was frozen solid.  Beautiful!  My coat has proven to be only mildly efficient, and I’m fairly certain that my hands are going to stick to the steering wheel when I leave work and drive home.  I completely understand the idea of Hot Hands now.  They make complete sense.  I’m contemplating swinging by Walgreen’s and picking a few up.

I know it sounds like I’m bitter and not enjoying the Northeast, but in all seriousness, I’m loving it.  I don’t want to go back to the warmth of Texas.  It just doesn’t appeal to me.  I’m looking at this new found home as the opportunity to look forward, not backwards.

Do I miss Texas?  No.  I miss people.  I miss my friends.  I miss my dad.

As I step outside into the 13 degree night, I will move quickly towards my car and not think about the 74 degrees in San Antonio.  I will walk forward and not look back.  Even though I am in the coldest place I’ve ever lived, I don’t feel the burden of the past here.  I feel the possibility of future adventures and healing old wounds.  I feel the exhilaration of change and the opportunity to grow.

I’m truly beginning to feel like myself.

A very cold version of myself though.

Commitment-a-phobe

I should have no problem with commitment.  I mean, I am married after all.  It should be no big deal.  I’m also a mother.  Theoretically, I should have no problem with commitment.  I do though.  I’m afraid of committing to my self.

What do you mean?

I make myself promises and consistently break them.  I tell myself that I will be kind to my body, and then I beat it up.  I’m not nice with self-talk.  I am my worst enemy. 

2012 was a year where I came into contact with a lot of things that I didn’t like about myself. Instead of addressing them I swept them under the rug and told myself that they would get better.

Someday, they would get better.  Guess what?  They didn’t.  I still have 30 pounds to lose, workouts to complete, curtains to hang and other stuff I don’t want to address. 

Well, there’s no better time to start than right now.  I’m not going to call these resolutions because I’m not good at those.  However, I am going to say that these are things that I would like to accomplish in 2013 and beyond. 

2013 – A Plan in the Making

Sweat 3 x’s a Week – Pretty self-explanatory.  I need to get moving at least 3 x’s a week.  Whether it be Bikram Yoga (love!!), running (less love) or any other physical activity, I will do this.

Blog More – I used to blog often.  It was a daily event and then life got in the way.  I enjoy it so I’m telling myself that I will do it more often.  That being said, it will be posts that I can do during my lunch hour at work.

Lose a Few – or more than a few.  I really would just like to lose 30 pounds.  It is a daunting task, but if I set my mind to it I can accomplish it.

Run Another Half Marathon – Last year (2011) I ran the San Antonio Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon.  I had a broken toe and it was, by far, the worst run of my life.  That being said, I loved training for it, and I loved running it.  It didn’t matter if I couldn’t walk the next day.  I finished and I got a medal.  I also wasn’t the last one to cross the finish line.  I can only improve.

Reduce Debt – Mine, not the country’s.  Simple enough: spend less, save more.

I think that I’ve set big expectations for myself, but nothing is unattainable here.  Now I just need to do what I need to do.

Here’s to hoping that everyone has a wonderful New Year’s celebration and a phenomenal 2013.

I also hope that everyone has a lot of wine.  It is, after all, required.

Bad Decision

If I could talk to the twenty year old I used to be I would have so many things to tell her.

I remember adults telling me many things and giving me advice about what I should do. I remember brushing them off and thinking that I knew what I was doing. I wish I could go back to that time and listen with an open heart.

You can’t go back.

The future is all that you can face with an open mind and with confidence.

I woke up this morning on the overly emotional side of the bed. The one where I think about looking for a job and I want to cry.  I looked back and questioned my decision to get a Master’s degree in Education.  Why?  No, seriously, WTF was I thinking?  I could’ve gone with a Business Administration Master’s degree or a Psychology degree, but no, I went with Education.  For all intents and purposes it’s useless and all I have now to show for it is debt.  It is a big regret that I have.  A huge regret.  I may have finished, but I wish I never would’ve started.
Maybe one day I will be less upset with myself about his decision.  Today is not that day.

I think about what the future holds for me and I honestly don’t know.  I know I don’t want to be in a cubicle.  I dread the thought.  I know that the decision is up to me.  I can say no to what doesn’t fit with me.  We’ll see what happens.

The truth is that sometimes a person needs to have blind optimism.  Today I will focus on the options I can control.  I won’t look back at the bad decision I made, I will focus on the good decisions that I can make in the future.  I have to stop looking at the past with regret.  It isn’t helpful.

There, I vented.

Tomorrow will be more upbeat.  I promise.